Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
