when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
