I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
