dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
