She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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