So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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