I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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