accomplished twins. life is a go
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
