Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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