Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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