Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
