i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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