Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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