cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
