who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
