You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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