so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Barsexuality is the new black.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
