Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize