I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize