His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
