She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
