I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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