Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
