i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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