I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
