Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sorry about my life...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
