i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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