...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
