Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
