dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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