So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
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