"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize