Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
