rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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