I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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