My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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