There r osticjed everywhere
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
