No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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