someone threw a dead crab at me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
