searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
