C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
