he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
