We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
