i just wanna soil my oats bro
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize