Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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