I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
