Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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