heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Let's paint friendship bongs
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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