well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
