This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
