Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
