Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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