all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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