the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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