I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We have started to decorate penises.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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