I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
