Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
