Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
