he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
