I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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