god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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