Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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