This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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