The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Do you still have your period?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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