drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
