Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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