hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
