omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she told me i tasted like america
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
