its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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