I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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