these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
