Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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