I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
