How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
