I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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