and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i think i just lost a toe
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