I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So much rum. So many feels.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize