Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
