I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
