so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
