Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
