Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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