If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
