Did you just see the Batmobile???
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
