so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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