He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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