I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Your penis caused this!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize