I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Randomize
