Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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