By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
