thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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