You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize