Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
