you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
