There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize