I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
