soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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