I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize