You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
