it wasn't lemon gatorade
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
