We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
