yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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