Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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